Man Law bathroom etiquette

This post is dedicated to Man Law Bathroom Etiquette. I would have posted them on my musings page musingsofnerds, but this is more of a general thing that needs to be discussed. (Be warned, cursing will probably ensue)

I

Man Law number 35.
One will not talk on the phone while in the shitter. If you do, do not be angry about the guy in the stall next to you trying to absolutely force the loudest fart possible.

There is absolutely more disgusting than being able to spend some nice alone time on the john, and have some guy get in the stall right next to you, and start chatting it up with his wife. This always represents the opportunity to get a good laugh by forcing the loudest fart possible. Most of the time, I end up injuring myself trying to force it. So, let's do us all a favor and just not do it. You wouldn't conduct a business meeting in the outhouse, so why talk on the phone in the john.

II

Man Law number 47
You will not go into a stall when a urinal is perfectly available, this indicates a Number 1 action.

I've found that nerds are the biggest abusers of this rule. I think it stems from some feelings of inadequacy. However, most guys know, we're all like cars. Some aren't built with the same size engine. Doesn't mean the engine is bad, and a 4 cylinder light weight car has it's perks. (I didn't want to expand on that, so take it as you want.) Why is this rule a problem? I'll tell you why, because if we're already dealing with guys who don't have a full size hose, they have a problem with their aim. We'll just leave it at that.

III

Man Law number 52

A man shall not go into a stall next to another man, especially when there is the option of having a 1 stall buffer.

The reasons why for this are perfectly obvious. It's man space. The only person who should be allowed in Man Space is a girl, otherwise it's kind of gay. This law translates not only to the bathroom, but to the Movie Theater or anything that has seating. Sometimes, it's not possible, and that's not gay. However, there will be no touching when the 1 seat buffer is not available. You keep your arms and your legs in a locked position on your sides. Breaking this law will en cure severe penalties including busting your damn face.

IV

Man Law number 59
Free hand peeing is not allowed. This goes especially if you place your hands on your hips, like Peter Pan.

This one is a little tricky. You never let the equipment just swing free. The only exception to the rule is during sex, because let's be honest your hands are doing different things. Otherwise, always grip the stick. The only exception to this rule, is the exhausted clause. If you've got your hands on the top of your head or leaning against the wall, but a yawn or grunt MUST be stated to show your lack of energy.

V

Man Law number 67
ALWAYS wash your Hands!

This one is universal, I know. However, it's more important for guys. I don't know about the lady world, but I have seen many a guy rush out of the bathroom once he takes care of business, without even a drop of aqua on them bacteria ridden monstrosities. I've seen some of the people that these individuals have sex with, and I absolutely don't want to have vicarious va-jay-jay contact, if I had to shake that person's hand.

The only thing weird that should be allow to do in the bathroom that's different than the norm, should be this... Because, everyone's had a drunk night in the bathroom.



All these rules are simple to follow and also are just common courtesy we can give to our fellow Men. If anyone has any other man laws they want to add, please do so. I will forward to the beer companies to get these printed and put in the book.

Thanks!